Too Many Red Bulls
by Catherine Dexton
Summary: Hilarious take on what the team would be like if they worked in a Grocery store.


**What If?**

Kate comes flying into Tony's office ready to raise holy hell on his ass.

"Hi ya, Kate, what's up?" asks Tony Dinozzo looking up from his desk, trying not to stare at Kate Todd, his beautiful, five-foot-seven, greened-eyed brunette co-worker.

"Give it back to me, Tony, right now."

"Give what back?" Tony goes back to fiddling with his baseball on his desk, and looking over the new work schedule that he just made out for the stockers and baggers.

"My cell phone I know you took it now give it back." Kate approaches Tony's desk and splays her hands on the edge.

"Kate honestly I don't have your cell phone maybe Tim took it."

"Tim would never have taken my cell phone you're the only one who's been in my office all morning; besides Tim isn't here today, at least not until two."

"Maybe-"

"Don't even try to blame Gibbs."

"I wasn't, I don't know what to tell you Kate, but it looks like you'll have to find out who took your cell phone because it sure wasn't me."

"Tony quit fooling around and give me my cell phone!"

"Don't have it to give back. Go check Probies' desk."

Gibbs, their boss, pokes his head in the door and says, "Tony give Kate her cell phone back, then go get the truck."

"Yeah boss I got deliveries to do," Tony says to Kate as he takes Kate's cell phone out of his desk drawer then grabs the van keys and walks out the door.

"Why do I put up with all of his antics?" Kate asks herself as she walks back to her own office to lock her cell phone in her desk drawer.

Tony jogs down the stairs, cruises to the back of the store and walks outside into the cool, brisk air of April weather in Wisconsin. Tony adjusts the mirrors in the van and then dons his cool sunglasses, and drives the van to the front of the store parks it, then runs inside the store, picks up several floral arrangements from the end register, and puts them in the van. Once all of the eight floral arrangements are loaded into the van Tony closes the door, then he hops back into the driver's seat, and takes off for the funeral home.

While Tony is away on deliveries Kate is finally able to get some of her work finished. Two years ago Kate became the Price Coordinator for Schmaling's Piggly Wiggly in Burlington, and she's gone through several assistants in the last year, she's hoping the new girl will break the vicious chain of failure and bad luck. Her boss Jethro Gibbs is not only part owner of the store but also the General Manager of both the Burlington and the Delavan store. Kate has had to put up with Tony and his constant games that he has played with her since day one, and though she sometimes enjoys the attention she often is just annoyed by his childish antics. Growing up with several older brothers Kate can handle herself around Tony, but at times she finds herself actually liking him despite her better judgment. Tim McGee is the new night shift manager and so far Tony is being hard on him as well, and yet not quite as hard as he is on Kate, but Kate thinks that's just because Tony has a slight crush on her. Tony has been the Assistant Manager of the store for the last four years, and he has seen many workers leave and then come back since he started.

Thirty minutes after Tony left the store he returns with lunch for Kate and himself. Whenever Tony has to do deliveries he makes a friendly gesture of getting lunch for Kate and himself, sometimes he also buys lunch for Gibbs but not today, Wednesday, because while Tony was away on deliveries Gibbs left for the Delavan store where he will remain for the rest of the day.

"Hey Kate, I brought you your usual lunch, Garlic Shrimp, with noodles, not rice." Tony announces as he walks into Kate's office, located ten feet from his own office.

"Thank you Tony, is this supposed to make up for taking my cell phone this morning?" Kate asks as she grabs her chopsticks out of her basket, along with a few napkins.

Tony plops down into the chair across from Kate's desk and starts eating his Sweet and Sour Chicken, with his fingers.

"Tony would you please use a fork or chopsticks."

"Fine, hand me a fork would ya." Tony says remembering that the last time he tried to use chopsticks it ended with half of his food on the floor.

Kate hands him a fork then she goes back to eating out of her own box of take-out.

"Hey Kate where's your little helper today?" asked Tony with his mouth full, as usual.

"Sarah has off today, which you should know by now, since she has been here longer than you have. Seven years in one store, boy she must really like it here."

"Yeah she's only 23 years old, with a Degree in English, and her mom is the Floral Manager."

"Tony, don't get any ideas about Sarah or her mother. Sarah could probably kick your butt anyways."

"I'd love to see her try. Can you believe she actually likes working back in the meat department with all of those guys?"

"She probably feels protected and safe from you back there."

"Very funny Kate besides she's too young for me."

"Since when is any woman older than twenty-one too young for you?"

"Since I got burned last week by a 24 year old."

"Smart woman she was."

"Actually she was he, a female in every way but one. I still get the creeps from the memory of that night at the bar."

"You made out with a he/she now that is funny makes me think you're not as smart as you appear to be."

"Very funny Kate."

"Don't you have any real work to do Tony?"

"Of course I do, but I am on my lunch so I get to hang out for awhile," Tony says as he slurps up the rest of his soda through the straw.

Before Kate can say anything Tony gets paged to the backroom by one of the stockers. Tony throws his trash into Kate's garbage can and gives her a small salute before taking off down the stairs whistling as he goes. Tony kicks the swinging doors open with his foot and runs his fingers through his short brown hair as he enters the backroom, calling out to Abby the stock girl, "Hey Abs, what's up?"

"Rick, the Brownberry bread vendor, wants to speak to you," Abby Scuito, a cute Goth chick, with jet black hair pulled back in two pigtails, wearing a long sleeve white long-john type shirt answers as she smiles at Tony.

"Are you sure he doesn't want Kate?"

"He asked specifically for you, and isn't Kate usually off on Wednesdays?"

"Not since the ads started breaking on Wednesdays," Tony says as Rick walks over to them, "Hey Rick what's up?"

"I wanted to talk to you about Sarah. I hear that you've been harassing her."

"Not any more than I harass Kate, you came in on your day off to confront me about harassing your little sister?" Tony asks, arching an eyebrow knowing full well that Sarah and Rick are not related, and they only act like brother and sister.

"She isn't my little sister, and yeah I did. Now leave her alone and start pursuing someone a little closer to your own age." Rick had to look up at Tony given that Tony is a good five inches taller than Rick's five-foot-nine.

"Like I was ever going to pursue Sarah, she's a little young for me" Tony says as he waved to Justin the Dairy manager, who is walking outside to have a cigarette.

"Whatever just leave her alone from now on, ok" Rick says knowing that Tony wasn't paying attention to a word he was saying.

"Ok, anything else?" Tony says looking back at Rick.

"No, I guess I'll see ya tomorrow."

"Ok bye, enjoy the great weather outside," Tony says as he turns his attention to Abby who is unloading a pallet, "Hey Abs how's the load coming?"

"This is the last pallet; I should be done within the next hour or so. Is Tim coming in tonight?"

"You know he is, so how's it going between you two?"

"Tony, you should know by now that I like my private life to stay private. Unless of course you mean as friends then things are going great between Tim and me.

"I guess I'll have to be satisfied with that answer."

"Good cause that's all you're going to get."

Tony kept his mouth shut for once and went to the freezer and pulled out the frozen load and put it in the freezer aisle, and then he started breaking it down onto two carts, leaving the bakery items on the pallet. Tony worked alone on the frozen load, and he was just finishing up when Tim walked up to him, still wearing his leather jacket.

"Hey Tony, any load left for me to put up tonight?" Tim asks as he stops a few feet short of where Tony is putting ice cream in the open freezer bunker.

"Probably not, Abby had most of it done about an hour ago."

"Which means it's done by now. I saw Kate's car in the parking lot, I thought she was off on Wednesdays."

"She had some unfinished paperwork to do she should be leaving soon, she's been here since nine. How was your day off Probie?"

"It was fine, thanks for asking. Gibbs is in Delavan right?"

"Yeah he left while I was away on deliveries. So what's up with you and Abby?" Tony asks as he breaks down a box.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Abby and I are just friends," Tim says blushing ever so slightly.

"Then why are you blushing Probie?" Tony asks right near Tim's ear, before passing by him to move the pallet with the bakery items back in the freezer.

"I wasn't blushing!" Tim calls after Tony, before walking off in the other direction toward the stairs to the offices.

Tim takes off his leather jacket as he walks into the office that he shares with Tony and Gibbs. _Why does Tony have to be such a jerk all the time, glad I'm never here all day with him._ Tim tightens his dark blue tie, and straightens his generic nametag readying himself work, but before he can make it out of his office Kate walks in.

"Hi ya, Tim, what's up?"

"Hey, Kate, not much and you?"

"The usual I heard rustling in here, I thought it was Tony. Is he still downstairs?"

"Yeah why?"

"No reason I just wanted to tell him I'm leaving, I guess I'll just have to page him." Kate says as she walks back to her office, "see ya later Tim."

"See ya Kate!" Tim calls after Kate as he jogs down the back staircase.

Kate picks up the phone on her desk and presses the intercom button, "Tony extension 19, Tony 19." Kate says into the phone. Kate replaces the receiver and waits for Tony's response.

Tony strides up the stairs calling out to Kate, "Yeah Kate?"

Kate, peaks her head out of her office to see Tony coming towards her, "I was just calling to tell you that I'm leaving now."

"Ok, I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah you're closing tomorrow right?"

"Yeah, so you won't get a free lunch out of me."

"Very funny, see ya later Tony," Kate says as she grabs her purse off her desk, and shuts off the lights in her office, "Tim will lock the office later right?"

Tony nods in the affirmative, "See ya Kate."

Kate gives Tony a little wave before she walks downstairs and out to her car.

Tony goes back into his office to look over the stocker/bagger schedule again before he makes copies for the stockers and baggers to pick up in the punch in room. At four Tony locks up his desk drawers, grabs his keys and walks downstairs to find Tim. Tim is over in the floral department talking with Joanne, the manager, and as Tony walks over to them he flashes a huge smile towards Joanne.

"You leaving for the day Tony?" asks Tim as he fiddles with a pen on the floral counter.

"Yeah you know the drill make sure the bread stays full, and Joe just came in he's here till ten."

"Ok, anything else that I should watch?"

"Just the usual see you later Probie," Tony gives a small salute before turning and walking back towards the exit.

"Does Tony ever just call you Tim?" asks Joanne as she goes back to arranging flowers in a vase.

"Once or twice he has, mostly though he just calls me Probie it's starting to grow on me though. Well I better get back to work talk to you later Joanne say hi to Sarah for me will ya."

"Will do, Tim, oh and I'll be leaving at six."

"Ok, thanks." Tim walks back towards the backroom, stopping at the meat counter to talk to Rich, one of the butchers, who also happens to be Bob Schmaling's brother. Bob Schmaling is the owner of both stores. Rich Schmaling is taller than his brother, and probably has more muscle too, he's intimidating at first but once you get to know him he's like a big teddy bear, or a father figure in Tim's eyes.

"Hey Timmy what's up?" asks Rich joyfully as stops by his cart of lunchmeats, waiting to be put on the shelf.

"Not much and yourself?" Tim grabs a box of Budding turkey slices and goes to put then up on the shelf.

"The same old shit, you know how that is." Rich says as he grabs a box of Johnsonville cooked brats off the cart.

"Yeah, so Sarah has the day off again." Tim says and catches Abby looking at him from aisle five.

"Yeah, she's off with her boyfriend, they took a trip down to Chicago today."

"Sounds cool, maybe I should take a vacation I need somehow to get away from Tony."

"Is he still bothering you?"

"Not as much but he still calls me Probie."

"Yeah well be glad that you're not Kate, she has to put up with him more than the rest of us do."

"Yeah, well I think that Kate can handle herself around him. Sometimes I think that she's actually falling for his charms."

"Kind of like Abby fell for you?"

"Abby and I aren't, I mean we-

"Timothy Murray, are you being naughty again?" Abby says from right behind Tim, running her fingers through his short brown hair.

"Abby, I told you not to sneak up on me like that at work," Tim says turning around to face Abby, blushing slightly.

"Oh come on it's not like Tony is around to see that, and Rich already knows that we're dating so quit being such a worry-wart."

"Let's finish this discussion in the backroom, where customers can't see us."

"Once I'm done facing aisle five," Abby says as she turns and bounds back to aisle five.

"If you don't mind Tim I think I'd like to finish my own load, go check on dairy or something," Rich says as he the box of Oscar Meyer hotdogs away from Tim who is standing awe-struck by Abby's public display of affection.

"Yeah, ok," Tim sluggishly walks into the back room and into Kate's receiving office where she checks in the vendors and their products. Just as Abby joins him in the office so they can talk Tim hears over the intercom that he has a phone call on line one.

"Hello, Schmaling's Piggly Wiggly this is Tim, how may I help you?" Tim says putting the phone to his ear and sitting down in a chair.

"Hey, Tim, it's Kate."

"Hey, Kate, what's up, did you forget to tell me something before you left or what?"

"No, this morning Tony took my cell phone and when he gave it back to me I didn't think there was anything funny about it, but I just got a call from a girl named Bambi, asking for Tony. The jerk gave me his cell phone instead of mine, is he still there?" Kate explains extremely fast.

"No, Tony left about half an hour ago. Why don't you call your own cell phone and see if he answers," suggests Tim as he twirls his pen in his free hand.

"I tried he isn't answering, why does he always do this to me?"

"Kate relax I'm sure he was expecting you to call your phone, and he probably is taking a shower if he is supposed to have a date tonight. Keep trying to call him, and try his home phone if all else fails."

"Thanks Tim, see you Saturday at work."

"No problem Kate, bye."

Kate hung up and collapses into her favorite chair, a blue and white rocker, in her living room which is painted a nice creamy yellow that brightens in direct sunlight. Just as Kate is about to pick up the phone and call her cell phone again Tony's cell phone rings, Kate answers it saying, "Tony's cell phone Kate speaking."

"Hey I missed your call earlier, care to come over and make an exchange of phones." Tony says.

"Why?"

"I thought you might want to get rid of my phone. Have I received any calls?"

"Yeah Bambi, whoever that is. Did I receive any besides from myself?"

"No, and I can't believe Bambi called, considering that she wasn't ready for a date with a self-absorbed loser like myself just last night. So are you coming over or not Kate?"

"I guess I have no choice, I'll be there in five minutes."

"I'll be waiting."

Kate grabs her purse and keys and walks downstairs down to her car. Within five minutes she arrives at Tony's house which looks surprising clean from the outside. Kate walks up to the front door and before she can knock on the oak door, Tony opens it.

"Come on in Kate," Tony says as he holds the door open for Kate.

"Tony, I'm not here to socialize here's your phone now where is mine?" Kate asks as she looks around the front hall of Tony's house. Tony's house is painted a soft gray that would usually look dull, but the accent border of dark blue around the top of the walls makes it more inviting.

Tony leads Kate into the dining room, which is painted a warm chestnut brown, and the dining set is a dark brown, which creates a cozy atmosphere. Kate stares in wonder at the beautifully set dining table, complete with silver candles. Two place settings are set to the gills and there is a covered platter with the main course under it, or so Kate assumes.

"Tony what's going on here, are you waiting for someone?"

"Not any more," Tony says as he goes over to the sideboard and gets Kate's cell phone, "sorry I had to deceive you like this Kate, but I figured it was the only way to make you see that I truly care for you."

"Tony, I uh- don't know what to say," Kate says as she dully takes her cell phone from Tony.

"You don't have to say anything, I all I want is for you to give me a chance to show you that underneath I really can be a nice guy."

"Tony, I know you're a nice guy but I-"

"Kate, all I'm asking for is one dinner. We'll leave the rest up to fate."

"Ok, Tony you have yourself a deal. Just out of curiosity, who's Bambi?"

"There is no Bambi, I called in a favor to my cousin and she called pretending to be a blonde bimbo, just so that you could find out that you had my cell phone instead of your own."

"You really did go to a lot of trouble to get me here."

"Of course, a woman of your caliber requires quick thinking and lots of wooing," Tony says as he pours two glasses of red wine.

Kate sits down at one of the place settings and stares in wonder at the covered platter.

Tony takes the cover off the platter to reveal two plates of grilled chicken and Asian noodles. Tony puts one plate in front of Kate and the other in front of his chair.

Kate takes a bite of the chicken and noodles and says, "Tony I can't believe that you know how to cook."

"I thought myself how just to impress you Kate, is it working?"

"Surprisingly yes, cheers to us," Kate says as she raises her glass to toast Tony.

"To us."

"Wow that was one freaky dream." Abby Scuito says as she wakes up from her nap at her desk, "Oh man Gibbs is going to kill me if I don't get that DNA analysis to him on time." Abby goes back to work just as NCIS Special Agent Kate Todd walks into Abby's lab.

"Hey Abs, got anything yet?"

"Only a headache from psychic dream traveling. Is Gibbs still out in the field?"

"Yeah, he and Tony are interviewing the Lt.'s widow. Why?"

"No reason."

"Have you been up late again drinking Red Bull?"

8


End file.
